🦋 All or Nothing: My Battle With Diet, ADHD, and Mental Health

I’ve always had an all-or-nothing mentality, especially when it comes to food. Over the summer, that meant barely eating at all. The weight dropped off me not just fat, but muscle too. I looked haggard, hollow, and unhealthy. People kept saying I looked “so thin,” but it didn’t feel like a compliment. I felt miserable, weak, and even less like myself.

When I realised I had to gain weight, I swung to the other extreme. I told myself, “No guilt, just eat.” But what started as freedom turned into something darker, uncontrollable binging.

Once again, food wasn’t fuel or joy; it was another cycle of self-punishment and regret.

This all-or-nothing mentality isn’t new to me. I’ve had issues with food since I was about 13 years old. Counting calories, dieting, obsessing over every bite it’s been a constant background noise. My weight has yo-yoed for decades, reflecting the chaos I’ve often felt inside.

And right now, my life feels particularly out of control. I lost my job. I’m losing my house because my ex hasn’t paid child support or his share of the mortgage for nine months. When everything around you is unstable, it’s natural to try to control what you can and for many of us, that means food. But control through restriction or binging only feeds the problem.

🌿 ADHD, Stress, and Diet

With ADHD, balance feels almost impossible. Hyperfocus can mean skipping meals or forgetting to eat because you’re absorbed in something. Then the pendulum swings: impulsive eating, reaching for quick dopamine hits, eating past fullness. It’s exhausting and chaotic.

Stress makes this worse. When you’re anxious, your body and brain crave fast comfort — sugary snacks, carbs, caffeine — that give short-lived relief but lead to crashes later. Those crashes make you tired, foggy, and more likely to reach for another quick fix. It becomes a loop.

Add to that lifetime patterns of dieting, body dysmorphia, and mental illness — and it’s clear why food becomes a battleground, not nourishment.

🍽️ Why a Balanced Diet Matters

Food affects so much more than our bodies. Without proper nutrition:

• We feel tired, drained, and irritable.

• Thinking clearly becomes harder (hello anxiety, forgetfulness, brain fog).

• Low energy and poor sleep add to depression and hopelessness.

• It can worsen feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem.

On the flip side, eating too much of the wrong foods (refined sugar, ultra-processed snacks, endless caffeine) creates blood sugar spikes and crashes. That rollercoaster leaves us exhausted, moody, and needing naps. It also worsens ADHD symptoms, emotional regulation, and resilience.

The truth? Balance isn’t about restriction or perfection. It’s about fuelling your brain and body so you can think, feel, and live more steadily.

🌸 Food as a Reflection of Mental Health

For many women with neurodiversity, trauma, or mental health struggles, food is never just food. It’s:

• A way to try to control what feels uncontrollable.

• A punishment or a distraction from pain.

• A false marker of self-worth.

  
  

But food also mirrors what’s happening inside. When my eating is chaotic, it usually reflects how chaotic life feels too.

✨ Small, Gentle Steps That Help

I don’t have all the answers. But here’s what I’m learning (and re-learning):

1. Aim for gentle structure- Three balanced meals, even if simple. A slice of toast with nut butter beats nothing at all.

2. Prioritise protein and fibre- They stabilise blood sugar and mood — vital for ADHD brains and anxious minds.

3. Hydrate first- Dehydration often disguises itself as hunger. Water before caffeine.

4. Watch sugar and processed foods- Swap one sugary snack for fruit + protein (like apple + peanut butter).

5. Build tiny rituals, not big rules- Two deep breaths before eating. Putting food on a plate instead of eating from the packet.

6. Plan for the wobble- Have backup meals or snacks ready for stressy nights — yoghurt + oats, soup + bread, a banana.

7. Move and rest- Short walks, gentle stretching, and better sleep hygiene reduce cravings and stabilise mood.

8. Self-compassion over shame- Shame fuels the binge–restrict cycle. Gentleness fuels healing. Even one kind sentence to yourself can break the loop.

💜 The Role of Self-Love and Self-Care

Here’s the truth I keep coming back to: food and body image are never just about calories or weight. They’re about how we feel about ourselves. When we don’t practise self-love and self-care, it’s easy to slip into extremes — punishing ourselves with restriction, or numbing ourselves with binging. That’s why I’ve created Caterpillar Rising Academy.

The very first course I’ve written is about self-love and self-care — because this is the foundation for every transformative journey. Without learning to care for ourselves, nothing else sticks. We can’t set boundaries, create rituals, or build new habits until we believe we’re worthy of that care.

This is the starting place. Soon, you’ll be able to explore this work with me through:

• 🌱 Self-paced online courses

• 💬 1:1 sessions

• 🦋 In-person workshops

  
  

And if a full course feels overwhelming, I’ll be releasing mini-courses so you can start small — just like we start with one silk thread at a time in the cocoon. Self-love isn’t fluffy. It’s survival. It’s the soil every other change grows from. And it’s where our work together begins.

🩺 When to Seek Help

If your eating feels out of control, you’re hiding behaviours, rapidly losing weight, severely restricting, or feeling suicidal — please reach out immediately (GP, urgent mental health services, or Samaritans in the UK: 116 123).

Professional support that can help:

• GP for medical checks and referrals.

• Registered Dietitian for balanced, personalised nutrition plans.

• Therapist or counsellor for trauma, coping strategies, and emotional drivers.

• Specialist ED services for binge–restrict cycles that meet clinical criteria.

• ADHD support for medication, CBT, and structure that stabilises eating patterns.

  
  

🦋 Final Thoughts

This journey is messy. It’s painful. It’s frustrating. But it’s also possible to heal — not with harsh rules or “perfect” diets, but with small, compassionate steps that support your brain and body.

If you’ve been counting calories since your teens, or if food and weight have been a lifelong battle, please know: you’re not alone.

Your diet is tangled up with your history, your ADHD, your trauma, and the parts of your life you can’t control right now. That doesn’t make you weak — it makes you human.

And soon, through Caterpillar Rising Academy, we’ll work on this together. We’ll begin with self-love and self-care, because that’s the starting thread for every transformation.

You deserve nourishment.

You deserve steadiness.

You deserve to rise. 💜

Jamaine xxx